REDMOND. Micro$oft today announced it's newest offering: Office 9.7 for those folks who don't need the features of the full-blown software.
"Most people only have a 200 word vocabulary, anyway," remarked Micro$oft dictator Bill'm at the Gates. "We've installed a more modest spell checker in this version. It also only processes short words."
Gates answered with a sharp, "no comment," when asked if the new software set would have one tenth of the bugs of the full version.
The spreadsheet program, titled Decel, crunches only up to five digit numbers. "It's the program for people who count on their fingers," explained a spokesperson.
Abbreviation, the word processing program, limits a user to documents four pages long or less. "Attention span is shrinking," commented Gates. "A survey of our software engineers showed this was as long as they could stay focused on one subject." An add-on will allow these snippets to be strung together to form longer documents, however. "That's the way my ghost writer did my book," he said.
Striving to simplify the software, the design team produced a final product that industry journal PC Universe has determined is six-times more complicated. "It has a learning curve steep enough to make the Tetons look flat," the magazines commented.
"Soon, every person who cannot program their VCR will have yet another expensive machine they can't operate," said multi-billionaire Gates.
Contributed by: A. Schubach.