Found in alt.humor. Posted by: dcoble <dcoble@gateway.net>
Most people, considering buying a computer the first time, rely on the advise and guidance of a friend. As a rule this friend will try to get you to purchase the same type of computer he has, and this is usually a good idea because it is the only computer they even begin to understand, and they probably couldn't help much if you got a different kind.
If you don't have any friends, no problem. Just stop into the local computer store and a salesman will be only too happy to be your friend (especially if you have a valid charge card). He knows if he becomes your friend, and you will take his advise, he will be able to pay for college and take a world tour by the time he is twenty (most computer salesmen appear to be about 15 years old). If you buy a system from him, he will be your friend and adviser for life (or until about the third time you call with a problem).
You new computer will arrive at your home in the most technically advanced shipping boxes science can create. When you open the boxes you will find your computers virginity protected by thousands of little plastic peanuts which take on a life of their own. They will soon be everywhere but it the shipping carton or the garbage can.
Remember you must keep the original shipping boxes and everyone of those little plastic peanuts, and store them somewhere save, because you cannot return your computer for warranty work unless you repack it in the original box, with all the original plastic peanuts. (Of course, you will never be able to figure out how to correctly put everything back into the box anyway, but that is your problem.)
Next you need to contact all of your computer friends and "borrow" copies of any software programs you need. No one ever BUYS programs themselves. It is amazing that all those software companies stay in business!
Shortly after setting up your new system, you will likely discover that before you can actually do anything with your computer, you will need to purchase another $3,000.00 worth of hardware.
Now your Computer friend will come over and help you learn to operate your new system.... after about 3 hours he will have to leave... and all he will have accomplished is getting the screen to show a message that reads "UNKNOWN COMMAND".
At this point you will have to sit down for about a month and read the 400 different manuals that came with the system.