TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN,
I regret to inform you that you have been named as a possible cyber-sexual partner of someone who has tested positive for the ATTICS (Affliction Transmitted Through Internet Chat Sex) virus. It would benefit you to be tested and/or treated for this disease. ATTICS is highly contagious and can be spread by a simple "f@ck you" or "muuuuaaaahhhhh". It appears to be predominant in WebTV users but has been detected in the PC community.
Amusing as this may sound this is no laughing matter!
ATTICS is a mainly psychological disorder but can fester into physical ailments if not treated. You will be provided with a list of symptoms, if you have any of these contact this office and forward this notice to all your cyber-sexual contacts!
The following is a list of symptoms, onset of these symptoms may be immediate or may remain undetected for years. PLEASE do not ignore these warning signs!!!!!
KEYBOARD COURAGE: The threatening of another chatter for no logical reason.
WOOHOO: The uncontrollable urge to say wooooohoooooo to anything that may be deemed sexual in nature (may be a result of overactive woohoormones).
HOLIDAY INN-hibition: The need to take someone to a private room.
P.T.P.U.D. (POST TRAMATIC POP UP DISORDER): Heavy reliance on popups.
HORIZONTAL RETNAL SCAN: Inability to read anything that doesn't scroll up.
LOSS OF FINGERNAILS.
BEDPAN COMPLEX: Having a bucket next to the TV for human waste.
CYBER TERRETTS SYNDROME: The random shouting of obscenities every time the phone rings.
RED EYE: Elimination of any whites from the eye.
VIRTUAL SPEED: The ability to make 2 lunches, fold a load of laundry, go pee, and put in a video, before your last comment leaves the screen.
SLEEP APATHY: Going without sleep to chat.
YBER ANNOREXIA: Going without food to chat.
YMBOLIC DSYLEXIA: The use of initials instead of words ie.: LMAO=LAUGHING MY A$$ OFF.
NIC IDENTITY CRISIS: The adoption of a nic as a second name.
If you encounter any of these symptoms feel free to contact me.
THANKS FOR YOUR TIME,
Dr. Pete O. Fender
Internet Board of Disease Control
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computerhumour.com
Found in: alt.humor
Submitted by: Cerberus - The Dog Of Hell
<cerberus@mystacy.fsnet.co.uk>